Today I woke up and tried to get jazzed for a productive day. It has just been so hard lately. I have updated my main blog and am trying to really get motivated but my heart is just so very heavy. Missing my brother has become nearly like a ” monkey on my back”.
Holding in my emotions while people tell me “life goes on” is killing bits and pieces of my soul.
You see, learning to live without my brother is not an over-night thing. It is just not going to happen that way.
Some days I am so angry at him and then other days I am weeping into my pillow in sorrow wondering what I could have changed in this damn world to help my brother’s body and his mind-set for health change.
Sweet heavens, I miss him.
I know I am not crazy or pathetic. He was my best friend and colleague. How can you learn to live without the person who knew you from the beginning and was supposed to be there to chat about grandkids and talk shop and build a website together to amaze the world!
Sorry for the rambling,
One day I will be back to my usual bubbly self but.
Is 9:00 AM too early for wine?
Pam
Lisa says
April 15, 2016 atI am so sorry for your loss Pam. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. You and your family are in my thoughts. Sending lost of hugs and prayers.
Pam List says
April 20, 2016 atThank you, just saying something helps. It is lonely being the only sister. 🙁
Mandy says
April 20, 2016 atI’m sorry about your brother. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. 🙁 Maybe a mimosa would help brighten your day? In that case, 9am is never too early for (sparkling) wine! 🙂
Pam List says
April 20, 2016 atThank you, it has been hard. I am carving out a couple of days so I can wake up and have a glass soon.
Pam